Quest
by KatyaChekov
Summary: A crack fic written a couple of years ago, recently unburied. A prince with hairy feet goes on a quest and picks up some strange companions along the way.


**I don't own Inuyasha or Toucan Sam. I do own the crack and other characters, though. **

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Once upon a time, there was a princess who lived under a tree. She was very dirty and refused to marry the prince of a faraway land. This prince had hairy feet, and the princess would not ignore it.

So the prince decided to shave his precious foot hairs for the sake of the princess. However, the hair wouldn't cut, because it was magic hair. He asked the magician of the forest what he could do. The magician said to go on a long journey to fetch a potion and a pair of enchanted scissors and bring them back so that the magician could shave his feet.

Soon after the prince began his journey, he was introduced to a singing toucan named Sam. Sam decided to join the prince on his journey, for Sam was on his own quest: To find a magical golden boot-flavored Froot Loop.

The prince and Toucan Sam were soon joined by Inuyasha, who was on a quest to find a person who could give him a fluffy just like Sesshomaru's. He wanted it so that he could strangle any author who tried to pair him up with his brother or Naraku or whomever. Then a MADD mother entered the scene, on a quest to destroy all the alcohol in the world.

So they were off! It didn't take very long for their adventure to become dangerous. Right after they were introduced to the MADD mother, catastrophe struck! Over three million pink cotton-candy monsters attacked, and Toucan Sam was injured! The prince saved them all by bringing out his hairy feet. The monsters fled in horror. Toucan Sam honored this victory by creating a cotton candy-flavored Froot Loop.

They had all just settled down for a lunch of these new Froot Loops when Inuyasha had a sudden case of food poisoning. Sesshomaru, who had had his fluffy dyed orange-and-pink in an unfortunate prank, finally had his revenge. The MADD mother defeated the angst-ridden demon with anti-alcohol/drug slogans. Inuyasha recovered, and they continued their quest.

As they dragged along on their search, they realized they were being followed! Everyone got into a fighting stance.

"Show yourself!" the prince yelled.

Then out popped an old, green witch. "My name is Dorothy," the witch cackled, "And I'm here to stop you!"

Dorothy flew at them on her big flying Swiffer. The group was scared.

Inuyasha's eyes bugged. "Ahh! Technology!" He pulled out his Tetsusaiga. "I will kill you!"

The MADD mother readied her slogans. "We must save this poor child from her alcohol-induced actions!"

Dorothy screeched to a halt. "Mommy? Is that you?"

The prince removed his shoes. "Ahhhh..." he sighed as the breeze sifted through his foot hairs. "This should save us."

Toucan Sam accidentally caught sight of the horror and fainted. Oops.

Meanwhile, Dorothy and the MADD mother were embracing tightly. Suddenly, the MADD mother turned into a frog.

"Haha! Just kidding, Mommy. I'm still an enemy, bwahahahahaha!"

The prince ran up to Dorothy.

"What do you want?" she asked.

The prince licked his finger and stuck it in her ear. "Wet willy!" he yelled.

"Ahh! I'm meltiiiiiiiiiiiing!" Dorothy screamed. There were three loud beeps, and she blew up.

Inuyasha blinked, looking at the MADD mother/frog. "What do we do with her?"

"..." They all looked at each other. "Frog legs!"

And they feasted! As they feasted on the mother-gone-frog, they helped themselves to full glasses of sake, which had appeared out of nowhere. Boy, what a feast that was! Sadly, Toucan Sam was still knocked out from seeing the prince's feet. He did not get to feast. So Inuyasha and the prince decided to have roast toucan as well! Man, were they ever full! Inuyasha became very drunk. The prince learned a very important lesson: Never give a hanyou too much sake, because when he gets drunk, he thinks he can sing.

The next day, they had terrible hangovers. But they could not rest for a whole day. They did not want to delay reaching their goals any more. So the entire day they walked and walk and walked...and walked and walked and were chased by the vengeful ghosts of Toucan Sam and the MADD mother, and then they ran.

At long last, they arrived at a glorious place where fluffies grow on trees. Inuyasha picked one.

"And now we must part," he said sadly, "because I need to get back to my girlfriend before Sesshomaru does. But we'll meet again. Bye!" And then he was gone. The prince was alone again.

The prince sat down and sighed. He did not know where to find the potion and enchanted scissors. He was beginning to lose hope. A tear fell on his knee.

He was shocked. "I didn't know I was crying," he said.

A voice then called down to him, "You're _not_ crying! It's me, you imbecile!"

The prince looked up and saw a bald maiden. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"My father has disowned me because I like to fight dragons!" she sobbed in reply.

The prince stared at her shiny head. "That's the only reason?"

"Of course. What other reason would there be?" she snapped. Then she looked at his feet and grinned. "I like guys with hairy feet. They're sexy. Let's get married!"

The prince forgot all about his mission and fell in love with the bald maiden, and they lived happily ever after.


End file.
